Daily observations of my simple life.

Control Issues:

Day before yesterday I was in town picking up the trees that I got planted and stopped to have an early lunch before coming home at the Chinese buffet.  I arrived at 11 a.m., just opening time. I was escorted to my table by the hostess and after getting settled I went over to pick up a plate and get my food. There were several other people in the dinning room. As I approached the buffet the waitress called out loudly, "Mamm---you can't take any of the buffet until the last entry is out. "  Startled, I looked at the buffet that was full of food waiting to be served up all but one slot. I went back to my seat and looked around the room to see all of us sitting there waiting to eat like good little children. Finally when the waitress went to the kitchen one man got up and served himself but the rest of us sat there,waiting. I was thinking to myself , "How stupid to demand that all of us wait for the last entry to be placed, how much easier if everyone could eat and enjoy what was there and get the last entry once it was out."  The waitress clearly had control issues. She was there to see that it was done her way, on her terms. Fortunately for the man she didn't notice that he was eating when she finally brought out the last entry and announced that now the buffet was open.

After helping myself to the line of food, it is a good variety of fresh vegitables and fruits for a $6 fee, I ate slowly, people watching. An older couple came in and again I watched control issues. The wife went in front of the husband and had to explain to him what each item was and dish it up. He followed slightly humped over , silently obedient. It clearly was her domaine, taking care of the food at home. I could see no evidence that he might have been compromised by health issues so I felt sad to see this man submissive and silent. No smiles, no conversation, beyond her directives.

I have issues with control issues. Those who must control often steal the soul from those they control, have you noticed that? I realize that control makes people feel important, a little higher up the social scale but they are really not, just taken in by their own self importance, showing their own neediness. How much better when each person is seen as important, a person with potential to choose and grow, treated with respect and concern for their choices, needs and comfort. I watched the movie " The Color Purple" last Sunday. It's the one with Oprah Winfrey in it. It's the story of oppression and redemption. Clear that there are control issues everywhere and people whether it's race, gender, or so called status try to control others for their own self agrandization. The games people play. We're all born the same way and eventually die, why do any of us feel we are somehow more privileged and better than.  I agree there are standards of conduct that make people more acceptable but think of all the damage controlling people do to those they seek to control .  Reason and example.

Last year in January I made several resolutions. One was to be more giving and caring of those in need. I went to the homeless shelter and offered to volunteer. The woman who enrolled me was kind and showed me around. A day was set up for me to come in and help cook for the evening meal. I was filled with anticipation but when I arrived two women were all ready in the kitchen. I greeted them and cheerfully offered my assistance. I was ignored by these two church ladies, so I went about peeling and chopping vegitables for the soup and salad. I took it in stride realizing they felt it was their kitchen and they were not willing to share as they felt very important, giving, my feelings weren't even considered. I let it wash off my back and went home going back on my next assigned day. I walked into the kitchen and was immediately asked why I was there. I said , " I was assigned to work this day. " "Why?" was the reply. I again took whatever grunt job was needed in the kitchen feeling very uncomfortable about the unfriendliness. I then decided they were making it too uncomfortable for me so I did not ask for another assignment. I then made it a job for myself to bring food from the food bank or other sources to the kitchen. My soul was hurt but I found a way to help. Even in charity it seems self importance  and control is very much an issue.  Well, off my soapbox, just some thoughts that came up from the buffet.

Posted by: cactusandquail at 17:12 | link | comments (4)

Comments:

#1  29 October 2004 - 11:44

 

Control at the buffet table. Interesting that the man ignored the rules. I have an image of the waitress rapping his knuckles for being a disobedient (paying) diner. There is an Elvis Costello song with the lyrics: Two little Hitlers will fight it out until, one little Hitler does the other ones will...Little skirmishes everywhere. I am sorry your soul was hurt by the ladies in the soup kitchen. That is the kind of thing that hurts the most.

Leigh

#2  31 October 2004 - 08:49

 

I think lots of people have serious control issues. Almost as if nothing in their world can get accomplished w/o their approval. Kinda reminds me of the way I felt when I had my newborn son....but after awhile, I think it becomes an addiction. Don't let it drag you down--you're being recognized for your good doings! :)

ugapeach04

#3  01 November 2004 - 03:35

 

reminds me of an interesting book called the Human Zoo. in it, we as species are looked at from the perspective of a hunting/gathering animal that for millions of years lived small groups on vast prairies that are now confined to highly populated, densely packed cities. When put into human zoos we exhibit many of the same behaviors zoo animals do, among them, some funky control issues.

bluematrix

#4  01 November 2004 - 19:32

 

Interesting comments. I do think that humans often act like animals with their alpha and submissive modes. I am more into recognizing persons and feelings than competing to be the first or best, others come from different modes.
I thought it was interesting too that the man took his chances to help himself to food, while the women seemed more concerned about being loudly embarrassed. Grin.

cactusandquail

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