Daily observations of my simple life.

Rain and Tears:

I sloshed out in the sheets of water to feed. It seemed like water from foot to sky. I looked out across the vast watery expanse and couldn't see the cart I use to feed. Ah, there it was clear across the pasture and still full of manure. I silently felt exasperated at Frank for leaving it there. Now I would have to slosh clear across the property to get it, unload and slosh back to the hay stack and then to feed. Pouring rain. Hmmm.

Frank and Shirley had gone  to Phoenix to see Shirley's sister. So after struggling with the feeding routine I went in the house a little annoyed. I was finding despite all the good things Frank has done a little intruded on. Too many knocks on the door when I'm doing my whatever. I'm basically a loner although I do enjoy people , I just like my space.

Frank and Shirley came in just at dark when they had said and the next morning Shirley came to the door early. Her eyes looked as though she had been crying. She said, "We have an emergency."  I stood trying to digest what she was saying. " I found a lump in my breast when I was at my sisters and we need to go home to New Mexico."  It was hard to get that to settle in so I could say the appropriate thing. I stood looking at her as she said they would be leaving Tuesday morning. I felt a combination of guilt because I had even thought I wished to be alone and angst that she may have to go through some very difficult things in the months ahead. I comforted her the best I could and finally went in the house to deal with my confused feelings. 

It was early Tuesday morning they left, after all the appropriate goodbyes and thank you's, God Bless you's and tears.  It seemed strange to have the empty space beside the house where their 5th wheel had been parked but I felt suddenly free. No matter what it seems that there is always control issues with men. He had wanted to do everything and now I felt good just being able to go out and feed undisturbed, to clean the corrals, to put things where I wanted them knowing they will be there when I look again.

They are a wonderful couple and I would have them again but for a time I'm feeling much more my own person.  Prayers for Shirley that all will be well without suffering.

Posted by: cactusandquail at 14:15 | link | comments (1)

Comments:

#1  18 February 2005 - 16:47

 

Since you had been wishing for time alone right before you got the news, it seems like things have worked out for you the way they were supposed to.

And hopefully all will be well for them. Don't waste time feeling guilty. Everyone needs time to themselves, and it's not like your wish caused her lump. You're a caring person.

Nice thing about the rain...it makes rainbows! : )

InMyLife

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